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THURSDAY (April 2nd) by Ami


Today is the first time I have put on makeup and changed out of a sweatshirt in weeks. I did it because I have a day of (virtual) meetings. It feels so strange to now have to stay at home – in the past I’ve done this voluntarily, because I’ve felt too sad or too sick or too anxious to leave the house. I’d learnt to split my day into little manageable chunks – get ready, go to uni, have lunch, go to therapy, etc. – so I was able to be functional and present. Now, I have to involuntarily do the opposite. In a way, it almost feels like I am going backwards, a regression. I’m confused (more so than normal) and scared, because it now feels difficult to think about going back to my usual, functional routine when all of this is over.


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